“The more constraints one imposes, the more one frees one’s self of the chains that shackle the spirit.” Igor Stravinsky, 1947
We met online with plans to meet in person. The interest was mutual. Then they invited me to a soccer viewing party they were hosting.
I asked what time it started. They said eleven at night. I turn my phone and laptop off at ten, so I told them it was too late for me.
The replies got shorter, then they stopped.
That 10pm cutoff is an anti-habit: a rule about what I will not do, set once so I stop deciding it each day.
No caffeine after ten in the morning. Some afternoons I want a green tea or a lift to get through and I skip it. What I get back: I fall asleep at night and an early alarm gets easier.
Messaging apps stay closed until noon. My phone still works for everything else, but the apps where people reach me stay shut. If a teammate needs me or a server goes down before noon, I find out late. The payoff is a first half of my day on one thing at a time instead of reacting to whatever comes in.
My first meal is at two in the afternoon. This one bites hardest on Mondays, when back-to-back meetings burn more than my quiet maker days do. A heavy lift before two is harder without food in me. What it buys: clearer thinking on an empty stomach and a small daily proof that I can want something and pass on it.
I hold off on chess until my workout, my walk, my cleaning and my learning are done. I love the game, so I feel the pull each time. If I let myself start, I play four or five hours and the day is gone. This is the cheapest rule I keep and it saves the most.
Some foods I gave up for good:
- coffee
- sugar
- rice
- fried food
- bread
- watermelon
- pork
I love a good espresso. A slice of cheesecake, a hot pub fry, a smash burger, a wedge of cold sweet watermelon: each is a small loss when it sits in front of me. Steadier energy, clearer skin and a lighter body are what I get for it. I lived in Istanbul for three months, pork was rare on the menus and I stopped missing it.
I stop eating past ten at night. A late dinner or a shared dessert either happens before ten or it waits. Even my swap, frozen grapes or a sliced frozen banana, stays in the freezer after ten. That buys sleep while my body repairs instead of digesting food.
My phone and laptop stay off after ten at night. This rule costs me the most and it gives me the most. It is why I turned down the party.
The person was interested and so was I, but the night started an hour after I shut down. I said no and they stopped writing. That cost me a real chance. I would rather learn now that our hours do not line up than later.
A constraint you choose gives back more than it costs. Hold it long enough and the people who stay are the ones who fit the life it builds.
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Which daily ‘no’ buys you the life you want?
